I would do anything for love...

Well, after a fairly long, though unintentional, hiatus I have returned to posting something. Life has been pretty full. It's strange, now that Dan is finished with school, it seems like we are busier than we were when he was still in classes. I think it has to do with the fact that we feel like we have more freedom to do things because there is no homework or required reading to fuss with. Whatever the reason, it's been fun. Granted, it isn't always fun because, while this freedom allows us to be more social, it also means that Dan isn't working yet and that does have somewhat of a sobering effect at times. It's not awful, but still a reminder that we are in a period of waiting.

I'm back working again. Next week will be my first 5 day week since coming back from Christmas break. Wonder how that will go. I'm going to be starting a CNA class next month which is exciting. It marks the beginning of a whole new career direction for me. It also means that we will be in Chicago at least until the end of February. Or at least I will be for sure. I love Dan and all, but I would be glad to send him some place else and be without him for a few weeks if it meant he had a call.

Otherwise, things are good, I think. We've both been sick over the last few days but it seems to be getting better. I also think we might have new neighbors downstairs but we're not sure since they seemed to be moving in last night at about 9:00. They could have just been looking around too but again, we're not sure. I suppose we'll probably figure it out sometime during the next few days. Or at least I hope we will!

One final thing that I did not know before this morning: the song "I would do anything for Love (but I won't do that)" by Meatloaf is 12 minutes long! Who knew?

musings

As of late, I have felt pretty satisfied with where I am in terms of understanding my calling. I am a teacher. I am passionate about history. I want to help young people realize their value. However, as much as I feel content with that and as much as it sounds nice to be able to state all these things, I have recently been confronted with another question. Now what? It's great to know all of these things but what do I do with them? What will my life look like? Does my call include specifically being a history teacher or does the history part happen separate from the teaching? Can I feel fulfilled if my teaching takes the form of working with a church youth group or something like that? How deeply intertwined are the two? How deeply intertwined should they be? Where does my job search begin? What is the focus?

How do I even begin to figure this out? I need a quiet heart. I need open ears. I want direction. I want to find the balance between waiting and acting. How far does patience go before it becomes stagnation? I'm afraid of waiting too long, of being too patient. I'm also afraid of acting rashly and of jumping the gun. Unfortunately, that usually (for me) results in inaction on my part. Not patient waiting, but just doing nothing. Not thinking about it or doing anything about it. And that is not what I want.

This is my challenge.

bubble, bubble pasta pot

Today is going to be a posting of random things. I have had things I've thought of posting about but none of them seemed substantial enough to warrant their own post. So buckle up, bear with me, and enjoy the ride!

1. I finished reading The Godfather yesterday. I found it to be a well-written book in the sense that you really feel like you are a part of the world the characters inhabit. The syntax is uncomplicated and simple and it is similar to how mafia characters are often portrayed to speak: in short, concise sentences. Well done Mr. Puzo. Now I just have to see the movie.

2. Happy Halloween!

3. I have been reading a lot of different books recently (it happens when you have inordinate amounts of free time at your job) and several themes keep coming out that are intriguing to me and have caused me to have to wrestle with my own beliefs. What is the idea of calling? What is God calling me to do? What do I believe about God and how God causes change to happen in us? How do I become self-aware without becoming self-absorbed? Lots of questions that I don't necessarily have the answers to. I have a collection of people's thoughts on the topics but I am currently in process of figuring out what that means for me. I'm learning to trust. I'm learning to continue on the journey of life without becoming overwhelmed by these questions. I don't have to know everything right now. I can't just sit down, take a break from life and not continue to travel until I solve everything I'm struggling with. It's actually somewhat refreshing to realize that. Life doesn't stop for me. I keep going and it is good.

4. I have a sneaking suspicion I am getting sick. That does not excite me so I hope it's just a one day thing.

5. Brian Williams was on Sesame Street this morning. I only watched for about 5 minutes or so but it was fun. He was reporting on a disease afflicting everyone on the Street called "mine-itis". And every time Elmo referred to him, he called him "Mr. Brian Williams"

hmmm

life. What a thing. Mixed up. Hard. Kind of crazy sometimes. Full of surprises: sometimes good, sometimes just surprising. It's been interesting to see how my life has changed over these last few months. I've moved from believing that my only option was to try to be a history teacher (though I had heretofore been unsuccessful at accomplishing that. I now know why.) to having a whole world of options open to me. I want to make a difference. I want what I do to matter. How can I do that? What does that desire mean for me? Where does that place me? Us? It's hard to know fully right now. Especially looking for something that will start a few months from now. It almost seems too early to really be pursuing anything but maybe it's not. Things in the job hiring world move more slowly than most other parts of life. It's kind of strange that way.

I'm trying to hear God's voice in all of this. To balance doing what I need to relax and being intentional about how I spend my time. Maybe making sure I relax and read books just for fun is being intentional. I don't want to waste my free time. Help me to see my priorities Father and to make sure they are in the right order.