book thoughts

I recently (and by recently, I mean this morning) finished reading White Oleander (check out the summary link) by Janet Fitch. It was amazing. Not because it was necessarily uplifting or inspiring but because of the incredible crafting of words that brought you into the world inhabited by Astrid and her mother, Ingrid. Fitch has created characters who expose the world of mother-daughter relationships for what it often is--a minefield, a battle of wills, a connection so deep it cannot be severed regardless of how it may have been abused or twisted. I connected with Astrid, despite growing up in circumstances completely different from hers. I connected with the way mothers can manipulate you without you even knowing. I connected with feeling like you are finding your own way in the world, without much needed guidance. In spite of the direness of the situations Astrid finds herself in, she finds a way to persevere. She carries on. She fights. And in the end, she seems to have overcome, though not in a way that causes her to be completely happy. It speaks volumes about the intricacies of human relationships and about the resiliancy of the human spirit and I encourage you to give it a try.

musings

As of late, I have felt pretty satisfied with where I am in terms of understanding my calling. I am a teacher. I am passionate about history. I want to help young people realize their value. However, as much as I feel content with that and as much as it sounds nice to be able to state all these things, I have recently been confronted with another question. Now what? It's great to know all of these things but what do I do with them? What will my life look like? Does my call include specifically being a history teacher or does the history part happen separate from the teaching? Can I feel fulfilled if my teaching takes the form of working with a church youth group or something like that? How deeply intertwined are the two? How deeply intertwined should they be? Where does my job search begin? What is the focus?

How do I even begin to figure this out? I need a quiet heart. I need open ears. I want direction. I want to find the balance between waiting and acting. How far does patience go before it becomes stagnation? I'm afraid of waiting too long, of being too patient. I'm also afraid of acting rashly and of jumping the gun. Unfortunately, that usually (for me) results in inaction on my part. Not patient waiting, but just doing nothing. Not thinking about it or doing anything about it. And that is not what I want.

This is my challenge.

we have a winner!

I finally got to vote yesterday after work. With no line. Of course. I could have saved myself the trouble of going in the morning, made coffee at home, and gotten to sleep a little bit longer if I had known that. It was fun though. For the first time, (out of the two national elections I have ever voted in...this being the second) I felt like I made an informed decision and played a part in last night's outcome.

As a history nerd, I was so excited about Obama's win. Think about the historic implications of his win. The first African-American president. Think about where we were as a nation less than 75 years ago. How amazing! I haven't fully processed through all of my thoughts on this topic but I'm excited. I'm looking forward to 20 years from now when I can look back and see how things changed after Obama's election. I'm looking forward to being able to talk to my children about what it was like to be in Chicago for this occasion. Awesome.

hmmm

life. What a thing. Mixed up. Hard. Kind of crazy sometimes. Full of surprises: sometimes good, sometimes just surprising. It's been interesting to see how my life has changed over these last few months. I've moved from believing that my only option was to try to be a history teacher (though I had heretofore been unsuccessful at accomplishing that. I now know why.) to having a whole world of options open to me. I want to make a difference. I want what I do to matter. How can I do that? What does that desire mean for me? Where does that place me? Us? It's hard to know fully right now. Especially looking for something that will start a few months from now. It almost seems too early to really be pursuing anything but maybe it's not. Things in the job hiring world move more slowly than most other parts of life. It's kind of strange that way.

I'm trying to hear God's voice in all of this. To balance doing what I need to relax and being intentional about how I spend my time. Maybe making sure I relax and read books just for fun is being intentional. I don't want to waste my free time. Help me to see my priorities Father and to make sure they are in the right order.