book thoughts

I recently (and by recently, I mean this morning) finished reading White Oleander (check out the summary link) by Janet Fitch. It was amazing. Not because it was necessarily uplifting or inspiring but because of the incredible crafting of words that brought you into the world inhabited by Astrid and her mother, Ingrid. Fitch has created characters who expose the world of mother-daughter relationships for what it often is--a minefield, a battle of wills, a connection so deep it cannot be severed regardless of how it may have been abused or twisted. I connected with Astrid, despite growing up in circumstances completely different from hers. I connected with the way mothers can manipulate you without you even knowing. I connected with feeling like you are finding your own way in the world, without much needed guidance. In spite of the direness of the situations Astrid finds herself in, she finds a way to persevere. She carries on. She fights. And in the end, she seems to have overcome, though not in a way that causes her to be completely happy. It speaks volumes about the intricacies of human relationships and about the resiliancy of the human spirit and I encourage you to give it a try.

musings

As of late, I have felt pretty satisfied with where I am in terms of understanding my calling. I am a teacher. I am passionate about history. I want to help young people realize their value. However, as much as I feel content with that and as much as it sounds nice to be able to state all these things, I have recently been confronted with another question. Now what? It's great to know all of these things but what do I do with them? What will my life look like? Does my call include specifically being a history teacher or does the history part happen separate from the teaching? Can I feel fulfilled if my teaching takes the form of working with a church youth group or something like that? How deeply intertwined are the two? How deeply intertwined should they be? Where does my job search begin? What is the focus?

How do I even begin to figure this out? I need a quiet heart. I need open ears. I want direction. I want to find the balance between waiting and acting. How far does patience go before it becomes stagnation? I'm afraid of waiting too long, of being too patient. I'm also afraid of acting rashly and of jumping the gun. Unfortunately, that usually (for me) results in inaction on my part. Not patient waiting, but just doing nothing. Not thinking about it or doing anything about it. And that is not what I want.

This is my challenge.