book thoughts

I recently (and by recently, I mean this morning) finished reading White Oleander (check out the summary link) by Janet Fitch. It was amazing. Not because it was necessarily uplifting or inspiring but because of the incredible crafting of words that brought you into the world inhabited by Astrid and her mother, Ingrid. Fitch has created characters who expose the world of mother-daughter relationships for what it often is--a minefield, a battle of wills, a connection so deep it cannot be severed regardless of how it may have been abused or twisted. I connected with Astrid, despite growing up in circumstances completely different from hers. I connected with the way mothers can manipulate you without you even knowing. I connected with feeling like you are finding your own way in the world, without much needed guidance. In spite of the direness of the situations Astrid finds herself in, she finds a way to persevere. She carries on. She fights. And in the end, she seems to have overcome, though not in a way that causes her to be completely happy. It speaks volumes about the intricacies of human relationships and about the resiliancy of the human spirit and I encourage you to give it a try.

musings

As of late, I have felt pretty satisfied with where I am in terms of understanding my calling. I am a teacher. I am passionate about history. I want to help young people realize their value. However, as much as I feel content with that and as much as it sounds nice to be able to state all these things, I have recently been confronted with another question. Now what? It's great to know all of these things but what do I do with them? What will my life look like? Does my call include specifically being a history teacher or does the history part happen separate from the teaching? Can I feel fulfilled if my teaching takes the form of working with a church youth group or something like that? How deeply intertwined are the two? How deeply intertwined should they be? Where does my job search begin? What is the focus?

How do I even begin to figure this out? I need a quiet heart. I need open ears. I want direction. I want to find the balance between waiting and acting. How far does patience go before it becomes stagnation? I'm afraid of waiting too long, of being too patient. I'm also afraid of acting rashly and of jumping the gun. Unfortunately, that usually (for me) results in inaction on my part. Not patient waiting, but just doing nothing. Not thinking about it or doing anything about it. And that is not what I want.

This is my challenge.

we have a winner!

I finally got to vote yesterday after work. With no line. Of course. I could have saved myself the trouble of going in the morning, made coffee at home, and gotten to sleep a little bit longer if I had known that. It was fun though. For the first time, (out of the two national elections I have ever voted in...this being the second) I felt like I made an informed decision and played a part in last night's outcome.

As a history nerd, I was so excited about Obama's win. Think about the historic implications of his win. The first African-American president. Think about where we were as a nation less than 75 years ago. How amazing! I haven't fully processed through all of my thoughts on this topic but I'm excited. I'm looking forward to 20 years from now when I can look back and see how things changed after Obama's election. I'm looking forward to being able to talk to my children about what it was like to be in Chicago for this occasion. Awesome.

all that jazz

Happy Election Day!

Today is the first time I feel like I've had any real interest or concern about the outcome of an election so I was all excited to get up, vote, get my free coffee from Starbucks and then head off to work. That was the plan anyway. As it happened, I got up, got in line to vote, left the line without voting because I was going to be late for work (which I was anyway), paid for coffee at Starbucks and came to work, annoyed at everything that had transpired. Not quite how I pictured it. So now I have to go stand in line at the polls after work instead of going to the gym. That isn't really the work out I was hoping to get but oh well. There really isn't much I can do about it now.

Currently, I am sitting in a classroom, listening to 14 guitar students practice one of two different songs all at the same time. Quite the experience, I must say.

Anyway. I'm looking forward to finding out the results of the election and hope the day does not crawl by as a result of having to wait.

Today could shape up to be an interesting day.

bubble, bubble pasta pot

Today is going to be a posting of random things. I have had things I've thought of posting about but none of them seemed substantial enough to warrant their own post. So buckle up, bear with me, and enjoy the ride!

1. I finished reading The Godfather yesterday. I found it to be a well-written book in the sense that you really feel like you are a part of the world the characters inhabit. The syntax is uncomplicated and simple and it is similar to how mafia characters are often portrayed to speak: in short, concise sentences. Well done Mr. Puzo. Now I just have to see the movie.

2. Happy Halloween!

3. I have been reading a lot of different books recently (it happens when you have inordinate amounts of free time at your job) and several themes keep coming out that are intriguing to me and have caused me to have to wrestle with my own beliefs. What is the idea of calling? What is God calling me to do? What do I believe about God and how God causes change to happen in us? How do I become self-aware without becoming self-absorbed? Lots of questions that I don't necessarily have the answers to. I have a collection of people's thoughts on the topics but I am currently in process of figuring out what that means for me. I'm learning to trust. I'm learning to continue on the journey of life without becoming overwhelmed by these questions. I don't have to know everything right now. I can't just sit down, take a break from life and not continue to travel until I solve everything I'm struggling with. It's actually somewhat refreshing to realize that. Life doesn't stop for me. I keep going and it is good.

4. I have a sneaking suspicion I am getting sick. That does not excite me so I hope it's just a one day thing.

5. Brian Williams was on Sesame Street this morning. I only watched for about 5 minutes or so but it was fun. He was reporting on a disease afflicting everyone on the Street called "mine-itis". And every time Elmo referred to him, he called him "Mr. Brian Williams"

a little morning music

I just wanted to share the last two songs I heard this morning before getting to work. If these don't get you ready to work or go to class, I don't know what will!




This was first. Followed by this one:



Enjoy!

only hope

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
And laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

I give You my destiny
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs
I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

I heard this song this morning. Switchfoot captured what's in my heart.

what's this I smell?

When I came into work this morning, I was welcomed by the smell of sewage wafting through the main office (where my office is). What a lovely way to start a Monday morning. I do want to share what one of my coworkers said about it. It didn't make the smell go away but it makes it more fun...

"John Wayne Gacy is back and has at least a hundred bodies buried under the floor here"

That must be it.

that's about the size of it

I am in the midst of an interesting situation. I'm sitting in a classroom (AP European History), supervising the students as they do the work left for them by their regular teacher--nothing really out of the ordinary except it's not just "the usual". They're working on a Venn diagram that compares Luther and Calvin and are studying for a test on the Reformation. There is a pair of students discussing their personal beliefs on religion. How you know if religious beliefs are true, where does good living fit it, how they feel about others who try to convert them, and their views on the role of God in their life. This is taking place across from the room conversations about the specifics of Luther's theology and how it is similar to and different from Calvin's.

Listening to all of this going on (and these are sophomores) I don't understand why many youth ministries neglect theological discussions and focus more on having fun. Is it because we don't think adolescents are capable of discussing theology deeply? Is it that we are scared because it might take us into territory we ourselves are not sure of, to a place where we don't have all the answers? Why do we simplify Christianity? Why do we tell young people they have to live one certain way as followers of Christ? That they have to listen to certain kinds of music and not use certain words and only hang out with certain people? We often do not allow them to wrestle with these kinds of questions. We don't introduce them to church history so the only place they learn about Luther and Calvin is if they happen to take a European History class that includes the topic of the Reformation. When a class assignment is prompting spontaneous discussions about theology, that should at least hint to us that young people are capable of much more than we often give them credit for.

just some thoughts.

celebration

happy autumnal equinox!!! (or first day of fall--whatever floats your boat)

hmmm

life. What a thing. Mixed up. Hard. Kind of crazy sometimes. Full of surprises: sometimes good, sometimes just surprising. It's been interesting to see how my life has changed over these last few months. I've moved from believing that my only option was to try to be a history teacher (though I had heretofore been unsuccessful at accomplishing that. I now know why.) to having a whole world of options open to me. I want to make a difference. I want what I do to matter. How can I do that? What does that desire mean for me? Where does that place me? Us? It's hard to know fully right now. Especially looking for something that will start a few months from now. It almost seems too early to really be pursuing anything but maybe it's not. Things in the job hiring world move more slowly than most other parts of life. It's kind of strange that way.

I'm trying to hear God's voice in all of this. To balance doing what I need to relax and being intentional about how I spend my time. Maybe making sure I relax and read books just for fun is being intentional. I don't want to waste my free time. Help me to see my priorities Father and to make sure they are in the right order.

for your amelioration

I learned something new today. The following information comes directly from the National Hurricane Center website:

"Since 1953, Atlantic tropical storms have been named from lists originated by the National Hurricane Center. They are now maintained and updated by an international committee of the World Meteorological Organization. The original name lists featured only women's names. In 1979, men's names were introduced and they alternate with the women's names. Six lists are used in rotation. Thus, the 2008 list will be used again in 2014.

The only time that there is a change in the list is if a storm is so deadly or costly that the future use of its name on a different storm would be inappropriate for reasons of sensitivity. If that occurs, then at an annual meeting by the WMO committee (called primarily to discuss many other issues) the offending name is stricken from the list and another name is selected to replace it."

Thus, the next tropical storm that occurs will be named Kyle. And after that will be Laura. Isn't learning great?

on the way to work

Today was a good drive to work. I was feeling chipper, happy, and enjoying the music. A couple of things came to my mind:

One song was "Revolutionary" by the David Crowder Band. God's love is revolutionary; it really is. It turns the world and people upside down and frankly, seems an impossibility. And that's what we live in...the revolutionary love of God. Amazing!

the next one was "Stars" also David Crowder. It wasn't so much about the lyrics this time but the music sort of created a backdrop for a scene. The scene of a day beginning. The sky brightening the closer to work I get, everyone on their way somewhere. Where are they going? Work? School? The store? Meeting a long lost friend? Everyone has a story. Everyone has something going on. The day is new. God's mercies are new each day. It's a fresh start. Full of possibilities. There was something comforting and energizing about viewing the morning this way. It's almost like things slowed down and I was able to watch it from outside of myself. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but it was kind of neat, refreshing.

And that's how my day started. Now I'm at work and there is almost (quite literally) nothing going on today. So I'll have a bunch of extra time. Woohoo. i do have music and a couple of books and the company of my fellow subs so we should be okay.

"If I hide myself wherever I go, am I ever really there?"

As I journeyed to work this morning, I was struck by this particular line in the song “For You” by the Barenaked Ladies. This was already one of my favorite songs of theirs but it seemed to resonate more than in the past. One of many things I have been wrestling with lately has been the idea of finding out who I really am. Not just titles or roles I play—wife, teacher, friend, sister, daughter—but deep inside of me, in my heart, who I am. I struggle with this because I harbor a fear that if people really see me, they won’t like me; that they will be scared away or won’t think I am worth getting to know. That’s a scary thought for me. As a result, I like to hide myself—from others and from myself. But if I hide it, am I there? Have I really been living life or just pretending? What would it be like to live life fully engaged and open? Not open to the point of sharing everything with everyone but at least willing to be vulnerable and honest about myself with others, whether I like what I see or not and whether they like what they see or not. It seems to come down to a matter of trust: trust that people will like me, do like me, and want to get to know me. And to be okay with the fact that not everyone is going to be my friend. I can’t control how people react to me or what they think and that is okay. All I can be is me. However, in order to be myself, I need to know myself and therein lies the struggle. I want to know me. That’s hard to do. It hurts sometimes. It’s pain like I have never experienced before. But it’s a good pain because I know good things will come from it ultimately. I feel exposed. I feel bruised and broken. But I feel safe. I feel taken care of. And that makes it okay. So I get up and carry on. And still search. And still yearn. And seek to really be there.

For Fun?

I came across this quiz today.

Challenge yourself and see how well you do:
1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?
2. How many states are there?
3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?
4. What 6 colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label?
5. What 2 letters do not appear on the telephone dial?
6. What 2 numbers do not have letters by them on the telephone dial?
7. When you walk, does your left arm swing with your right or left leg?
8. How many matches are in a standard pack?
9. On our flag, is the top stripe red or white?
10. What is the lowest number on the FM dial?
11. Which way does water go down the drain--counterclockwise or clockwise?
12. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?
13. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?
14. Which side of a women's blouse are the buttons on?
15. On a NY license plate, is New York on the top or bottom?
16. Which way do fans rotate?
17. Whose face is on a dime?
18. How many sides does a stop sign have?
19. Do books have even numbered pages on the right or left side?
20. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?
21. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?
22. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing?
23. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?
24. On which playing card is the cardmaker's trademark?
25. On which side of a venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?
26. On the back of a dollar bill, what is in the center?
27. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits?
28. How many curves are in a standard paper clip?
29. Does a merry-go-round turn clockwise or counterclockwise?

Good luck!